Dank and fetid, the inner sanctums of SSH4TT (and no, it’s not what you think!) are devoid of natural light and fresh air.
Few are ever allowed to enter these unholy chambers. Those who do, disfigured and debauched by their own villainy, steer clear of mirrors and other reminders of their foul order.
In public, these odious creatures adorn themselves in gay masks and robes. They are lauded and paraded as paragons of perspicacity. Millions, yeah, tens of millions of innocents flock to the doorsteps of their opulent and cavernous estates – hoping to be swathed in the aura of their being – all the while stone-blind to the magnitude of their deception.
As a corrupt order, members of SSH4TT have a singular mission – and they pursue it mercilessly. Like vampires that require fresh blood to animate their dead carcasses, SSH4TTs lust after money – other people’s money – to fuel their insatiable rapacity.
SSH4TTs conduct their business, as they have for decades, free of a worthy adversary.
That was, until now…
[Read more…] “How the Masked Forces of Evil Plot to Devour YOUR Money – and the Brave Superheroes Who Combat Them”
Who are the six masked forces of evil who plot to devour your money? We reveal them here!
Queen of Wall and Broad. She expulses barrels of ink (both liquid and digital) to project an image of herself as necessary, advisable, even compassionate. All the while, her eight arms are reaching into every pocket and financial orifice of her prey, extracting their wealth, peace of mind and dreams for retirement. Octohussy has no backbone or moral compass whatsoever. She’ll contort, however necessary, to put the squeeze on her victims.
Social Security: Aunt Bizarro
The sinister, sick-minded, grey-locked sister of Uncle Sam, and a first cousin of J. Wellington Wimpee (below). Adorning herself in the American flag, she promises to protect the elderly and the ill – holding their money in her lockbox until they need it. “I’ll gladly care for you in the future, so kindly hand over your earnings today,” she demands with a stone-like smile. The lockbox, of course, is nothing but a dark void.
Home Equity: Skyresh Detritus
High Admiral of SSH4TT. Luring financial voyagers into his nest – well disguised as a cozy hearth – Skyresh binds them with promises of great wealth and flexibility, all the while chomping away at their financial foundations and opportunities. Unwary investors check in, but few are lucky enough to check out undigested.
[Read more…] “The Six Founding Members of SSH4TT – A League of Evildoers With an Unending Appetite for YOUR Money”